Friends

Why is it that most of my friends seem to leave me when I screw up just once? Aren't friends supposed to stay with you no matter what?
It's not easy finding good friends, and it's even harder keeping them. It just doesn't seem fair that you can't have good friends be there for you.
Yes I am talking out of experience. I know not everyone is this way, I just feel like I have no one to talk to anymore.
Last night I went to the church I usually go to on Wednesday nights, but haven't gone to for a while. And because i got into a fight with one of my friends there a little over a month ago he still isn't talking to me and he won't even look at me. And because of this it made me really sad and lonely because no one else there talks to me really. So I was the little emo girl sitting in the corner waiting for someone to notice me and come sit by me. No one did. The whole time I kept trying to talk and answer questions, but it was weird because it made it even more noticeable by myself.
Maybe it is just me and maybe I overreacted. But I can't help the way it made me feel.
Now I'm not trying to complain and be whiny and bratty because not everything went my way, I'm not usually like this.
I just want people to read this and think about their friends and how that kid in the corner must feel when they look around and see everyone laughing and having fun. Everyone has someone except that one person. How would that make you feel?
It's no fun being the new kid or the shy kid or the kid that just doesn't belong. I should know at my new church (the one i go to on Sunday mornings) I'm the new kid. So every Sunday I sit by myself and look around and wish someone would come and talk to me. And again I'm not trying to be whinny but blogs are made so you can complain right? Right!
Just think about it next time you see a kid by themselves. Okay?
Now I'm going on way too much.
More later

So

I was talking to one of my friends the other night
and he started talking about drugs
and stuff
and im like soooo not into that
because it pretty much ruined my life
and i got all emotional
and i got all mad and was like "you shouldnt do that, its bad for you adn bad for people around you. And it could make a huge differance in how you act."
yeah it was
weird
i guess
it just made me think about stuff when i was little and stuff
so i went to bed and was like all sad and stuff
D:

anyway
So yesterday i was soo super bored but all this week i dont have school very long because im helping my grandma decorate her house for christmas
its fun but yesterday her christmas tree bit me so i have scratches all over my arms
and i was all tired and my back hurt


but i finally got sleep, i haevnt been able to sleep well for the last few nights. and when i finally fell asleep at 2 in the morning i would have a bad dream and wake up and not be able to get back to sleep
but last night
i went to bed at 11 and slept till 8
wooo!
im soo hyper now

more later

My Twilight Review

So, I saw Twilight at the midnight showing last night. Well I guess it was the 12:01 showing but whatever. Anyway, it was full! Mostly teenage girls of course, but there was some guys (I counted 9 altogether!) And some adult women, okay, alot of adult women. When the previews started alot of people screamed, then when the trailer for Harry Potter started more people screamed (OMG! it looks so good im so super excited) then when the movie started ever MORE people screamed(you could hear like every teenage girl and even some adults im sure) But people mostly screamed when Edward first came out (sighs dreamily).
Okay now to my review. I thought it was okay. Deffiantly not as good as the book but we all knew that was gonna happen. It was just too short and not enough in there. I loved the actors they all did great (even bella) The looks Edward and Jacob gave eachother were priceless. I just thought they couldve put more in the scenes because some of them looked like they had been cut off. Also they should have shown a very important scene and they didn't. But the sparkle was good (it made my heart pitter-patter) And the fight scene was okay, but some of the special effects coulda been alot better, like with the running. It showed his legs moving and it all in slowish motion, they couldve just made it like a streak running through. And some of the parts were way too corny. And they didnt put things where they were supposed to go.
I would rate it about a 6 out of 10

Update

Omg!
I haven't written in forever!
Oh well, I just decided to write all the sudden.
Nothing new is really going on in my life, I saw Twilight last night and will make a new blog about that later. I'm also going to see Creation Fest tonight, which is like, 9 christian bands: Thousand Foot Krutch, Kutless, KJ-52, Fireflight, Run Kid Run, Worth Dying For, Pillar, Esterlyn, and Capital Light. I'm sooo super duper excited for that!
But that's pretty much all the interesting things going on in my life.
OH! Next week is Thanksgiving! I get the whole week off, wait no, that's not true. I have a science test on Monday. Oh joy.
I'm excited about thanksgiving too though, because, I get to see all my cousins: Patrick, David, Jeremiah, Katherine, Tyler, Riley, Joshua, Kristina, Brittany, Cassidy and Ethan. Wooo, that's alotta cousins. I also get to break the stupid diet on thanksgiving and just stuff my face. I'm going to gain all the weight back. LOL.
I'm kinda sad that soccer is over for the season though. I'm also kinda happy about it, because I'm lazy. But then I hate just sitting there and doing nothing. Wowsa I'm weird.
Chyea
More later

So yesterday....

yesterday was aiight.... i dont..exactly remember what i did
mostly school then went home and my mom got home early
and it was funnish
me and my brother decided we are going to make a video blog thing
me my brother and my best friend monica
my brother will mostly be behind the camera but im going to upload all the vids soon
even the mess ups
which are hillarious
it took us like 20 times to get it right
but yeah
so that should be up later
also i decided im gonna get my hair cut again
and more of an emo scene thing than i had last time
i hated the way i got it cut last time
and its finally growing out XD
anyway i was hoping to get it a little longer but its bugging me also i need to dye it
not sure what color
black
and maybe blue and green
like a turquoise and a lime green maybe
but i am looking up hairstyles right now and i will probly put them up here later
im on lunch right now bout to have pizza
yum yum

New Stuff

So I have some new stuff.

deviantart- http://www./abrokenbeauty.deviantart.com yeah pictures poems stories.. stuff like that

youtube- http://www.youtube.com/user/abrokenbeauty on youtube i will be doing a video blog soon hopefully starting later today

facebook-http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=506857787&ref=profile just pictures and stuff

Quizilla-

email- kittyrouge@mail2teen.com

yahoo- kitty_rogue_orange

aim- ashbroken

Band names (from my old blog)

this is from my other blog
but i thought i could put it up here

SOOOI was really bored and made up so band names! (heh what do you think?)
Check it:
Belindas crushing
Fond Hearts
Crushing void
Infected nightmares
Our bloody Trauma
The Broken Kiss
Static Pulse
Cruel Corpse
Satanic Angel
Broken Screams
Unbroken Oath
Deadly Desire
Running Eyeliner
Black Rose
Severely Depressed Zone
Angelic Scars
Velvet Rain Drops
A Beautiful Disgrace
Twisted Illusions
Deranged Insanity
Black Hearted Lovers

just a girl

You broke my heart
But who cares?
I'm just a girl
Just someone you can use
To make her jealous
You know the one you stare at
Even when im here
Yeah im just a girl
You can play with my emotions
No big deal
After all i am just a girl
Yeah i know im not her
Sure ill help you make her jealous
Why not?
It wont hurt me
Im just a girl
A girl that has let you push around
and use for way too long
Im through getting hurt over and over again
because you cant see
that I have feelings too
Im not just someone you can come to when you want something
No Im not just a girl

one more time

You've broken me
So I pick myself up one more time
It's not worth the tears I've cried
I'm broken again
Why does this keep happening?
I guess I can pick myself up...
just one more time
I can get through this
Why do these tears keep coming?
It's not worth it
This time I will lie here
why pick myself up?
I will just fall again
Why not cry?
Let the pain sink in....
forget the world
I'm not going to pick myself up this time...

The Past

The Past
Your heart has stopped beating
your breathing has slowed
you cant see straight
your head is fuzzy
you try seeing the good things in the future
but somehow all the things in the past are coming back
all the things you wanted to let go to forget
it all comes back
all the things you once buried
coming back
all the pain and sorrow
all the lonliness
the emptiness
the yelling and the beating
you cant let go you cant forget
you try to open your eyes
you try to look at the good times
the times where you smiled
and felt everything would be okay
you cant find anynothing but pain
your past has come to defeat you
to bury you alive
to eat you from the inside out
it wont let you forgetit takes you over until you are left with nothing
nothing but grief and regret
and an empty soul

The secret place

The Secret Place
You drift off
off to the ocean
to neverland
to somewhere
somewhere else
you wander off
you leave all the pain and yelling
you go to a secret place
a place all to yourself
its quiet and beautiful
a place to rest
when you cant deal with the real world
a place full of bright colors
green grass
skies so bright and blue
not a cloud in sight
an ocean so clear
you can see every fish and shell at the bottom
roses and flowers everywhere
fragrances so strong
sweet and bitter
fill the air
trees so tall they look like they could reach the sky
waterfalls everywhere
rocks so beautifulbirds singing
bees buzzing by
collecting pollen
for their queen
the perfect world
your very own secret place

Things I strongly dislike

1) my brother(he is 11 and a pain in the butt!)
2) when ppl yell at me (this happens alot)
3) Stupid people (you know who you are)
4) when people lie to me
5) peppy people
6) posers
7) telemarketers
8) tomatoes
9) when people freak out over little things
10) drama queens
11)when people ignore me
12) when ppl follow me everywhere
13) when people forget about plans
14) not getting invited anywhere
15) not being able to go anywhere just in case i ever DO get invited anywhere
16) people that torture animals
17) having no life
18) having no friends
19) things that stink
20) loosing old friends
21) boys that are full of themselves
22) pop songs
23) being 15!

Hey Guys!

Hey guys!
So this is my first blog.
Well not really.... I used to have a blog but I forgot the pword XD.
So this weekend has been CRAZY!
Friday night my mom and dad left for their anniversery, so I was stuck with my aunt, her fiance brian and my kid brother. Yeah total chaos! but it was really fun.
But I was on the computer for most of the night. And it was pretty chill.
Then saturday I did nothing till about 4ish then we went to starbucks i love starbucks. Then we went to get Mojo (brians dog) and we went to the park where i took some amazing pictures which I will put on here sometime soon hopefully . Then I got home and things turned really bad really quickly. I got on facebook and Cameron (my x-bf that lives in Indiana and had stopped talking to me then called me again recently and then we started talking again) got on and we got in a fight because I like his best friend Zach and he was afraid I would hurt zach a load of BS if you tell me anyway, so then I tell him to call me and are arguing... without really arguing. he said he Loves/hates me (also BS) and he said i made him feel special every girlfriend hes had since me hes been looking for someone that could make him feel like i did. he said im beautiful and have an amazing voice... but he doesnt want to talk to me... and he nvr wants to see me
and he wishes he nvr met me
jerk right?
well i dont really care....
or im trying not to....
its not so easy
i was trying not to cry... also didnt work....
but yeah anyway
then today was okay... went to church with my aunt and then went out to eat then came home and play wow for a while... then played kingdom hearts then tried to read lucas for a bit
now im writing this and well
im bored and hurt
and trying my hardest not to yall "SCREW THE WORLD IM OUTA HERE!"
more later